The Only Option

Sorry I've been so busy and disconected, but I'm back now. Here's a song I wrote called "The Only Option." Hope you like it! :)

Today.

Today I went to work with my Dad after school to avoid my little brother. My Dad's a priest, so this location was his church. At first, all I did was eat cookies out of the coffee hour kitchen. But I had my laptop, so I filmed myself singing and playing the piano to a song that I wrote called "Today". The quality's not great and I may have messed up a few times so bear with me. But I hope you like it. :)

Lyrics:

1. There's a person inside of me,

saying let me out.

There's a little person within me saying I needa' shout.

I say okay,

But you better stand up to the croud.

I say okay,

But you better make me proud.

So proud.

Refrain:

Today's the day I'm going to tell you that I'm more than just a girl.

Today's the day I'm going to tell you that I'm going to change the world.

Today's the day that all the positives overcome the shame.

Today's the day I'm going to start on my road to fame.

2. My voice aint loud enough to overcome the noise.

My voice is now overcoming it because of my little voice.

The one that I let out from inside my chest.

Now everyone treats me like a gold treasure chest.

Refrain:

Today's the day I'm going to tell you that I'm more than just a girl.

Today's the day I'm going to tell you that I'm going to change the world.

Today's the day that all the positives overcome the shame.

Today's the day I'm going to start on my road to fame.

To fame, to fame, to fame.

(Refrain in higher octive)

(Refrain to end of song)

The worst word and the worst prayer ever.

When I go to church,

And I say,

Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Does it make it okay?

When I swear on the bible,

Saying that I'd never hurt you.

But then I hurt you the very worst way.

If I say sorry,

Does it make it okay?

If I go to church every Sunday,

And pray every night.

Saying thank you for all I have,

And that I'm sorry for all my sins.

If I do the same things the next day,

Does it make it okay?

Does sorry really mean something?

Is saying sorry doing something?

Or is it just a word?

A word used to fix someone's behavior.

So, all I have to do is say one simple word,

And I have redeemed myself?

Is a memorized prayer doing something?

A bunch of words that have been imprinted into my mind.

Are they something that will forgive all of my sins?

Is a punishment going to make it all better?

Teach you a lesson?

Maybe, sorry is the worst word out there.

And just maybe, "Our Father who art in heaven" is the worst prayer out there.

Because words alone don't make it okay.

Celestial Being.

You smile at me when I feel small. You smile at me when I feel big. Sometimes, I convince myself that you are not real. That you are from somewhere else inside my mind. But if you were, could I feel it when you hug me? When you kiss me on the forehead and say, "Sweetie, it will be alright. Believe me." I don't believe so. You are not a figment of my imagination. If you aren't, then that makes me come to the conclusion that angels are real. There is no way that a human being can be this amazingly complex and beautiful. It seems to me that you are perfect. But you are imperfect all the same, because you make me feel amazing about my self. I love it when you say, "Don't frown. You don't know how many people would fall in love with your smile." Even when you are not with me, I think of you and feel amazing. I know, I AM AMAZING. No one can tell me otherwise. This is a fact. And you are a celestial being, an angel, you are perfect. And you make up for my imperfectness. But it's my IMPERFECTNESS that makes me amazing.

I am a bruised apple.

Today I will fall from the apple tree like everyone else. But no one will pick me from the ground, because I have one bruise and I am not as shiny as the others. People will pick the other shiny ones that have gone through this process before over me. Tonight I will go home, and I will paint green and red over my bruise. I will clean and shine my skin. I will trim my leaves. Tomorrow, I will get picked from the tree. I will get picked because to people, I seem shiny, new, good, and better than yesterday. But it's not satisfying. Not to me. So, tomorrow night I will wash the paint off of my bruise and roll in dirt like I was before. And the next day, I will get picked again. Not by the people who picked me before. But by the girl who sees me as the apple with the bruise. But she doesn't care. Because everyone has bruises. It's just up to you whether you show them or not.

The boy is an actor.

Right now, I will take down the pictures I have painted of you in my mind. Then, I will rebuild the walls I once used to separate myself from you. Once it was not necessary. Now, I want to be as far away from you as possible. Next, I will stay in bed for two days and four hours staring out of the window saying, "Why did I trust him?" He acted like he cared for me, for what? To get the satisfaction of hurting me and breaking me into millions of pieces? He acted like I was the only one. Now everyone knows that that was a lie. A lie. One of many. Why did he say right to my face that he loved me and that he would never cheat on me? Now I can see in his face that he never loved me and that he planned this all along. It's just a big game plan, a play. He had his lines memorized so that when this moment came, he knew what to say. He knew that I would take him back the first time. But what he didn't know, was that I was going to add a surprise ending. He didn't know that when the second time came around, I wouldn't let him come back. He wasn't prepared for that. Not this time. He looks at his script and there's nothing for him to say. Curtains closed.

K'Naan - People Like Me [LIVE]

I love this guy.

Yoga is not a sport.

In America, Yoga has turned into something entirely different than the original I believe. Yoga is not something that keeps you fit. It may tone some mussels, but it's not going to help you lose those 10 pounds you're trying to lose. I like yoga, believe me. But yoga is not a sport or really exercise. It's something spiritual and relaxing. When I do yoga, it's just me trying to free my mind and trying to relax.

Yoga has turned into something else, as you can see...

So, I believe that yoga should be something that you do do calm yourself, and be more of a spiritual thing. Not a so-called sport.

The Girl Who Cries

1. When I look in the mirror, I see a different face than I saw last night.

She's got a frown on her face, and big fat tears rollin' down from those big grey eyes.

No one understands her, except me. Maybe that's the reason why she cries.

Get a grip. I say. Nobody has to know what's happening inside.

Refrain:

Her heart it caving in inside.

Her soul is drowning from within.

From the heartache, and the trouble.

Sometimes it's all too much.

And she's got to scream.

She's the girl who cries.

2. No one really knows her.

Not even her mother.

Sometimes she wishes she could just disappear into the dust.

Everyone tells her, that they really care.

But they don't. They just think they should.

Refrain:

Her heart it caving in inside.

Her soul is drowning from within.

From the heartache, and the trouble.

Sometimes it's all too much.

And she's got to scream.

She's the girl who cries.

Bridge:

People tell her that they understand.

They try talking to her and holding her hand.

But do they know how it feels to feel so alone,

you just want to burst into dust.

Refrain:

Her heart it caving in inside.

Her soul is drowning from within.

From the heartache, and the trouble.

Sometimes it's all too much.

And she's got to scream.

She's the girl who cries.

When I look in the mirror, I see a different face than I saw last night.

Mlsaajwtd

It's Not My Fault.

It's not my fault.
It wasn't my decision to make.
Someone else has control over me, you see.
Stop yelling and screaming at me.
Don't scold me for something I had no control over.
No matter how hard I would of tried,
I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.
So, let me leave in peace.
Let me leave.
Don't look at me that way.
I didn't choose this for myself.
Goodbye.

10 Reasons Why California Sucks.

1. It's too hot here-No snow means no white christmas.

2. There's too many people at the beach-In Maine, beaches aren't crowded because only some people like to swim in the cold.

3. Not enough green-In Maine, there are natural grass and trees. Here, there are only man-made pom trees.

4. Too many people-Eberyone loves California. So they move there. Too many people for my liking.

5. People are too damn skinny here-Everyone's gorgeous and it makes me feel like I'm worse then a donkey.

6. Earthquakes-I could die from an earthquake any day now.

7. Too much traffic-I'm wasting so much time just trying to get there I'm spending more time in my car then at the destination.

8. Arnold Schwartznegger is the governor-Hes going to be in a movie this year with his shirt off in some scenes about bad asses. Do I have to say more?

9. There's only one season-When do I have time to wear my cute winter coat?

10. Lastly, California sucks-because I say so.

Spending The Day In Borders

Today Francesca and I are spending our whole day (or most of it) in Borders. Our day consists of reading aloud to each other in the kids section, drinking smoothies in the cafe, and embarrassing me and people around me. There was a boy about our age that was doing twirls in the air. I started dancing and twirling next to him by Francesca's request. What would you ever do with out friends? Be a lonely loser. That's what.

The Beautiful House

The other night I had a dream. I was in the grocery store and this amazingly gorgeous boy approached me and said, "Hello." I said, "Hey" back. For some odd reason I followed him home. His home was a giant Victorian mansion that belonged to a queen. It was a dark, rainy day. When I walked into the house, it was so bright and lovely I couldn't believe my eyes. There were diamond chandeliers, people in masks and gowns, and portraits in golden frames. When I looked down at myself, I was dressed to fit into this place. Everywhere people were staring at me. Like I didn't belong. But the boy that I'd met at the grocery store was just holding my hand up high and leading me on. The dream seemed to last for weeks. I remember leaving the beautiful house and coming back again and again. Nobody there spoke to me except him. Each time I came back I stayed longer and longer. And at the end of the dream, I was old and that was my life.

Packing

I was packing today and yesterday and I started looking at stuff that I hadn't looked at for years. My closet looked like the island of unwanted toys. But really all of it was just memories from years in the past. So, I had a giant pink box and filled it all up with memories. Concert tickets, photographs, snowglobes, stuffed animals from when I was three. Everything kind of came back to me and I forgot how I lost it.

When things are bottled up, they have to explode sometime or other.

Sometimes when I have emotions that bottle up inside me,

that I laugh and cry all at the same time.

One More Chance

This is a new song I wrote called One More Chance

1. Look into my eyes.

Tell me, there's no chemistry in the room.

I can feel the static.

It's trying, to pull me back to you.

Small words are coming from my mouth.

Big sounds are coming from my heart.

I don't know how to cure this pain.

I believe it's called heartache.

Refrain:

Give me one chance,

to make this work again.

I know, we can do this right.

You are the one that I wanna' be with tonight.

So, come into my heart and,

close the door.

Give me please,

One. More. Chance.

2. Somehow when I'm with you.

I'm the real me.

The self-conscious girl I am.

I can tell you anything.

It's hard to be a closed book when I'm with you.

You make me feel like a star.

Feel like I can go so far.

Everything comes out with you.

Maybe that's why I'm drawn to you.

Refrain:

Give me one chance,
to make this work again.

I know, we can do this right.

You are the one that I wanna' be with tonight.

So, come into my heart and,

close the door.

Give me please,

One. More. Chance.

Emotions Explode

Emotions Explode

This is the first song that I wrote with the piano.

1. I drag my pen along the paper, as tears and laughs run off my fingers.
I got so many problems that hide behind my smile, even then I can hide a smile behind my tears.
So many ways to turn.
So many options every day.
I'm not sure which way to go.
Oh, I didn't know that I'd spend so much of my life cryin' to myself.

Refrain:
In the middle of the night,
that's when I sit n' cry.
In the break of the day,
that's when I kneel and pray.
At the start of the morning,
that's when I glorify, glorify.
That I'm alive.
That's when my emotions explode.

2. Most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I figure it out, as I go.
Sometimes, in the middle of the day, all I wanna' do is cry.
But I sigh, and say the rest of the day will be okay.
It's gonna be okay.

I look at my self in the mirror,
Suddenly it's all getting clearer.
I know that my future's bright,
if I keep my goals in sight.

Refrain:
In the middle of the night,
that's when I sit n' cry.
In the break of the day,
that's when I kneel and pray.
At the start of the morning,
that's when I glorify, glorify.
That I'm alive.
That's when my emotions explode.